July 29, 2011

I
hope you missed this, but the National Football League owners had been
threatening to lock out the players for months, until they finally agreed
to a deal this week.

Normally,
I wouldn’t care about this labor dispute.  Scratch that – I
still don’t.  When billionaires bicker with millionaires, you’re
better off cleaning your bathroom than giving this skirmish one minute
of your attention.  

But
I am tempted to make an exception.  Usually it’s just a battle
between spoiled brats – and as often as not, I go away concluding
the players’ salaries are insane, and the owners are insane to keep
paying them.  That was the case during the NHL lock out, which
killed the entire season a few years ago, and it will likely be the
case if the NBA owners lock out the players this coming season.  

But
this time, the difference was too glaring.  On a very relative
scale, the millionaire players were getting exploited by the billionaire
owners.

Here’s
how their old labor contract worked: The owners kept the first billion
– with a “b” – dollars of profit, then the players got 60 percent
of everything thereafter.  Since the NFL made more than nine billion
dollars last year, you don’t have to break out a calculator to realize
everybody got filthy rich.   

But
the owners can keep their franchises for decades – and keep them in
their families even longer.  When cities and states build new stadiums
for their teams, the owners benefit more than anyone, and can really
cash in when their teams’ value soars.  For the owners, the NFL
is a cozy club, and virtually risk free. 

But
for the players, it’s all risk.  The average players’ career
lasts just three years.  And if he’s injured – and football
provides the best odds of that –  his team will take away the
remaining years on his contract.  Only the NFL does that.

But
he can almost certainly count on a lifetime of aches and pains, arthritis
and fake hips and knees – and worse, we’re now learning, the devastating
effects of concussions, including depression and dementia.  The
average player lives to be 55 – an age when owners buy their first
team.  

The
more you learn about this sport, the harder it is to watch.   

All
that would be bad enough.  But the owners did some research, and
they discovered that two billion dollars is more than one billion. 
So they decided they should be getting two billion dollars before
they give the players a cent.

The
owners paint themselves as rugged individuals, self-made men and died
in the wool capitalists.  But they’re not even close.  They
want all the benefits of socialism with their fellow owners – an iron-clad
monopoly, no economic competition, strict revenue sharing, and no real
punishment if their teams stink – while behaving like ruthless robber
barons with the players.  I’m not sure if even John D. Rockefeller
was so brazen to insist on doubling his take just because – well,
because it’s twice as much.  And that’s more.  So that
would be better.

If
nothing else, you can’t fault their math.

The
two sides finally settled on a compromise – perhaps Congress should
be paying attention here – and guess what?  Everybody involved
will become even richer.  But the players still won’t play any
longer, their bones won’t heal any faster and whatever damage is being
done to their brains won’t be known until it’s far too late.

As
a rule, it’s very hard for me to feel sorry for millionaire celebrities
playing a kid’s game.  But the NFL owners make it a lot easier.